Archive for August, 2015
आगे सफर था और पीछे हमसफर था….रूकते तो सफर छूट जाता और चलते तो हम सफर छूट जाता…
मंजिल की भी हसरत थी और उनसे भी मोहब्बत थी..
ए दिल तू ही बता…उस वक्त मैं कहाँ जाता…
मुद्दत का सफर भी था और बरसो का हम सफर भी था
रूकते तो बिछड जाते और चलते तो बिखर जाते….
यूँ समँझ लो….
प्यास लगी थी गजब की…मगर पानी मे जहर था…
पीते तो मर जाते और ना पीते तो भी मर जाते…
बस यही दो मसले, जिंदगीभर ना हल हुए!!!
ना नींद पूरी हुई, ना ख्वाब मुकम्मल हुए!!!
वक़्त ने कहा…..काश थोड़ा और सब्र होता!!!
सब्र ने कहा….काश थोड़ा और वक़्त होता!!!
Three large black ladies were getting ready to take a plane trip for the very first time. The first lady said, ‘I don’t know bout y’all, but I’m gunna put me on sum hot pink panties beefo’ I gets on dat plane.’ Why you gona wear dem fo?’ the other two asked.
The first replied, ‘Cause, if dat plane goes down and I’m out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first.’ The second lady said, ‘Well, then I’m a-gonna wear me some floe resant orange panties.’ ‘Why you gonna wear dem?’ the others asked.
The second lady answered, ‘Cause if dis hare plane is goin’ down And I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.’ The third lady says,Well, I aint gonna wear no panties…
What? No panties?’ the others asked in disbelief.
The third lady says, ‘Dat’s right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain’t wearing no panties cos, honey, dey always look for da black box first’
1. A woman in labor is screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, “Hey, don’t blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass but NO, you said that might hurt!
2. I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn’t thank me enough! But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes fucking nuts!!! Women, I just can’t figure them out!
3. A mother-in-law said to her son’s wife when their baby was born: “I don’t mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son.” The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: “I don’t mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a fucking photo-copier.”
5. “I’m fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like; “I’m tired, I’m washing my hair, I’ve got a headache, I’m your sister-in-law.”
6. Dear Dr. Phil: I was watching my next door neighbor’s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife was just standing there, arms folded, watching me. Is she a pervert or what?
Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, ‘What is your name?’
‘I can’t tell you,’ the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his
name is, and he always responds the same, he can’t tell her. On her
last night there she asks again ‘Can you please tell me your name?’
‘I can’t tell you my name because you will laugh at me.’ says the black man.
‘There is no reason for me to laugh at you,’ the lady says.
‘Fine, my name is Snow!’ the black man replies. And the lady bursts
into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says, ‘ I knew you
would make fun of it’.
The lady replied, ‘I’m not making fun of your name. I’m thinking of
my husband who won’t believe me when I tell him that I enjoyed 10 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica 😂😂😂😂👻👻👻👻
1) Every Man is a Millionaire, at least by his sperm count…
And the Funniest thing is that even these million are spent on Women…!!
2) One sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it,
which means a normal intercourse represents a data transfer of 1587 GB in about 3 seconds…
And we think 4G is fast !
An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $3.00
HAMBURGER: $5.00
CHEESEBURGER: $6.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $4.50
HAND JOB: $150.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”
She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands really well, because I want a cheeseburger.”
—
Define “Harami”
A harami is someone who visits a medical store instead of an ice cream parlour when his girlfriend says…..
” I love strawberry flavour”😂😂😜
====================
Define “Chutiya”
A chutiya is someone who visits an ice cream parlour instead of a medical store when his girlfriend says…..
” I love strawberry flavour”😝😂😂😂😜
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem. (57402)
🙇Friendship:
Friendship is not About
‘I’m sorry’
Its About
‘LUND SE’
Its not about
‘Where are you?’
Its about
‘KAHA GAND MARA RAHA HAI’
Its not about
‘No’
Its about
‘GHANTA’
Its not about
‘TOO SMALL’
Its about
‘JHAANT BARABAR’
Its not about
‘TOO BIG’
Its about
‘GAND PHAADU!’
Its not about
‘DIFFICULTY’!
Its about
‘GAND FAT GAI’
And
Its not about
‘WE WILL ROCK!’
Its about
‘MAA CHOD DENGE’
Fwd to all your loving gaandu groups
Bachpan se 2 hi cheezein sabse zyada mili hai…
Biscuits aur dost!
Farq sirf itna hai ki biscuits Marie k mile
aur dost. . . . .Chut-marie ke..!😝.
LOVE U SAaaaaaaLO ❤
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